labyrinth, bowie

I feel terrible and confused.

I am in a relationship with an amazing guy.

I am happy in this relationship, and regret any day that I can't spend time with him.

But...

I still get angry when I see the cutesy messages that my best friend's girlfriend posts on his Facebook wall, and I get even angrier when I can't see what he wrote back to her. I feel almost obsessive about this from time to time.

I am also severely infatuated with this girl I know, because of her Facebook pictures and profile.

Perhaps the answer is to stay away from Facebook, no?

I am angry at myself for feeling this way. I don't know how to change it or even why I still feel this way.

If anyone out there can offer any insights, I would be very grateful indeed.
labyrinth, bowie

blogs...

so, not that anyone really cares, since the only reason i joined lj in the first place was to be able to take part in certain communities - and rarely, if ever, do people read this - but i have a new blog now, one that is regularly updated with something or other, and it is open to the public. the address is: http://wickedkatze.vox.com. enjoy, please-and-thank-you.
labyrinth, bowie

i want...

want to make mix cds for all my friends and share my most random music with everyone.


i want to go and swing on the swing set at capaha park.


i want to not have to put a label on my own sexuality. i love who i love. end of story.


i want to go back to that picnic table and watch the sunrise again.


i want to know that someone adores me.


i want to be able to find people again that i randomly meet, like those guys in starbucks, or catsboy.


i want to star in something.


i want to make all of my clothes out of strange fabrics and patterns.


i want to get a buzz cut and wear excessive amounts of eyeliner, and in doing so become breathtaking in an androgynous sort of way.


i want to finish my speech.


i want to know how the word "love" can have so many different meanings.


i want to do something wild in san francisco, preferably involving dancing.


i want to be able to eat whatever the hell i want.


i want to live in the city museum.


i want to not procrastinate so much.


i want to go to faeriecon and wear wings and my green dress.


i want to meet angel.


i want to get cat burress' number before beating her in poetry.


i want to dress up like a trannie and go out at night.


i want more time to write.



i want to be honest without thinking i've scared people away.





but most of all,


i just want this goddamn year to be over already.
labyrinth, bowie

more random stuff.

1) i have had the hiccups every day this week. i don't know why.

2) some of my weirdest purchases lately include a gumby-shaped pillow, an anne bonney action figure, a sparkly gold bow tie, and a rubber duck shaped like frank n. furter.

3) i just got randomly contacted by someone i haven't seen in about five years.

4) i have to get my wisdom teeth out a week from today.

5) i can find a way to make the lyrics of just about any song apply to my life. especially when i really get a chance to listen to them.

6) i am becoming continually less motivated.

7) this summer, i am probably going to shave my head, or at least cut it to about a centimeter. if i chicken out, i'm dying it purple.

8) discounting my graduation party entirely, there are still three parties i want to have, either at the very end of school or at the very beginning of summer. (speech and debate party, cats reunion party, and weird-scrapbook-slash-collage party.)

9) this isn't really very random, is it?

10) i just discovered the most recent potter puppet pals videos. they are hil-freaking-larious.

11) i hate raisins.

12) my nephew is two and a half, and he knows the names of all the beatles and can do two yoga positions.

13) i'm in love. don't get too excited, it's old news.
labyrinth, bowie

weekends make me long-winded.

okay, so it's technically no longer the weekend, but i've got stuff to say, so shut up.

1. high school is supposedly day after day of self-discovery.

yesterday, i discovered - or realized, or admitted, or accepted - that there are some people whom it's simply impossible to truly "get over". no matter how much of a complete shit they might be. it's a strange phenomenon.

lauren was accidentally wise yesterday when she said that none of us girls will ever really get over him. i hadn't really thought about that. but at least it's not just me.

2. this year's theatre crowd, despite the weird mix of people, is actually so much better than any other combination in that crowd that i've ever encountered in high school.

for the first time, i felt like i belonged at the one-act / reader's theatre cast party yesterday. i talked to people, i ate, i flirted a bit, i watched people play guitar hero and sang along with trogdor.

the only other time at a cast party that i had that good of a time was the one-act cast party sophomore year when i apparently left too early and missed an interesting game.

maybe it's something about one-acts. or maybe there were just certain people in the "mainstream" drama crowd up until now that just radiated bad vibes. or maybe both.

i now love more than before: heath, suzanne (and suzanne's dancing), and hileman. and i still say that the one-act was worth seeing if only to hear hileman utter the words "dude is a mother."

3. tip for guys: if a girl gets mad at you for something, using the excuse "i'm a guy!" is probably not going to help your case.

4. ah, yes, the traditional "who really understands me?" rant. and quite frankly, i can say that nobody does. in fact, not even i do. i'm not emo or angry about this, mind; i'm just stating a fact.

so, some random stuff about me, to enlighten:

a) my ears are both currently plugged. (i originally wrote this two days ago, and it's still true.)

b) i always cry at musicals if they are well-performed. no matter how many times i've seen them. i also get immense amounts of pent-up energy at musicals, though the type of energy greatly varies depending on the show. (for example, "phantom" energy vs. "hairspray" energy - one is predominantly sexual, the other purely from the dance music. why do i analyze these things?)

c) i really enjoy art. i'm not a hardcore artist, but i like to draw and paint and fool around with oil pastels.

d) on my headboard there are five stuffed animals: a weasel, a mongoose, two dragons and a fish.

e) i just started doing my ballet classes en pointe.

f) i think a lot about people i love. and i probably love all of them more than they know.

g) on that same note, i like a lot of physical contact with those people. so i hug a lot. i put my head on shoulders or my arms around waists. sometimes i'll grab a hand or sit on a lap if i don't think it'll freak someone out. but at the same time, i have a big space bubble in crowds. it's an interesting mix.

h) i've recently become semi-obsessed with tick, tick...BOOM! you know, jonathan larson's "other" musical? it's got some ultra music.

i) there is someone at school i want to injure to the point of sterilization. but this is only in order to protect someone (i won't mention names).

j) inspired by found magazine, i am collecting random notes and such that people find, in order to compile them into a book. currently, i have one note.

k) i think everyone would look better in cat makeup. even if they look damn good already.

l) when i fall for people, i don't stop falling for a long time. the longest "crush" (i wish i knew a better term for it) i have had has been on-and-off for about five years, if you can believe that. the shortest has been for about six months; i'm still waiting for that one to fully end. but maybe the rule above applies here - you know, the people you never quite get over?

m) i still occasionally listen to boyband music. which is strange, because i never liked them when they were popular.

n) sometimes i will think of a random word combination and try to decide whether it would be a good name for a band.

o) i need someone to write music to go with my lyrics.

p) my greatest frustration about the later stages of a cold is not being able to sing.

...that's enough for now. i don't want to reveal my whole soul, after all.

hanyway. hope you guys learned a little something.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired
labyrinth, bowie

My Christmas present to myself

And hey, it's not even Christmas yet.

Yes, I have indeed joined the cool kids on Livejournal. No, I am not another emo kid. Just someone who likes to rant and occasionally discuss semi-nonsensical things (for instance, my theory on Angel and Christmas, but I'll go into that later).

Right now, I am seriously craving some My Daddy's Cheesecake petits fours, and I have no idea why, since I haven't had those in years.

Also right now, I have nothing to rant about. Of course, it would stand to reason that I would start a new blog on a day when I have nothing to say.

Scratch that. There is never a day when I have nothing to say.

I'll give you my theory, k? K. (If you don't know who Angel is, feel free to skip this part entirely.)

So first, you've got the name. Angel. No need to discuss the blatan symbolism there.

Angel shows up, randomly - ON CHRISTMAS EVE - at a time when everyone's lives suck about as much as it is possible to suck. She comes bearing food and something to be happy about.

She then proceeds to stick around just long enough to improve everyone's lives, help to unite people - and in a way, redeem them.

And then...she dies. She dies in circumstances beyond her control.

And at the end of the show, she comes back.

...Do you get what I'm saying here?


Does anyone else think that Angel could be the Bohemian Messiah?


Anyway. First LJ blog ever. Go me.
  • Current Music
    Sarah Brightman - A Question of Honour